The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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