There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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