Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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