I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
