you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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