Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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