Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
