Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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