Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
