its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
