Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
