Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize