i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
