Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We just shotgunned beers for America
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
