Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
