In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
