I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
