he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
