I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
