Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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