I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
