worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
