who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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