Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Terrible idea I love it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
