Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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