I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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