First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
