I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
