Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
