Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
