So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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