Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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