the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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