I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
