I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
