Just cropdusted the office
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
