he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
