she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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