I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
