So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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