Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
