Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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