I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
