mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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