Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
