I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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