I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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