I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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