You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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