i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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