when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are all done wearing pants today
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