I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have post one night stand depression
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