You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
