Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
