I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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