wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
