I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize