his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just pee glitter
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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