Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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