Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
