i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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