every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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