Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
