i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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