I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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