How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
