She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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