my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
