My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
