i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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