VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
