So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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